Walking the Walk...

Today in Los Angeles, 10,000 people showed up at a church to say good-bye and pay tribute to a slain police officer - the first S.W.A.T. officer killed in the line of duty - only 51 years old, Officer Randy Simmons leaves a wife and two teenage children. He was shot and died during a police stand-off - taking a bullet for his partner who survived as they entered a home where a 21 year old - distraught for 11 years over the death of his mother - opened fire after killing his own father and two brothers.

Sad as this senseless death is, it would not have been the subject of my writing, had I not been moved by a video shown at his funeral and heard the tributes by his friends and family (the memorial and funeral were carried live for over 3 1/2 hours on all stations here in LA). And like so many others who watched and learned about this extraordinary selfless human being, I was moved to tears.

Many things we learned about this man, we can say about many people we know. He was a loving husband, a wonderful son, an incredible father. He had a deep faith in G-d and carried that faith with him to his job, with his friends and family - his nickname was "The Reverend" - He loved sports - especially football - and shared that love with his friends and his son. They were inseparable - did everything together. No one had anything but good things to say about this man. So just knowing these things about Randy Simmons, we can say he was a good man and it is sad to have him leave this earth so soon.




But there was more - so much more. Although Officer Simmons lived in the lovely community of Rancho Palos Verdes and enjoyed a comfortable life there, he spent much of his off duty time on the streets of Los Angeles reaching out to the disadvantaged youth of this city. He tirelessly lent an ear to kids who had no one to listen to them. He never stopped sharing with them that there is another way out of the life they are surrounded by on a daily basis - the life of gangs, drugs, hopelessness. He called those kids his "babies" and they showed up today wearing t-shirts with Randy's picture and the word HERO on the front.

I am reminded that there is no man so great as one who stoops to help a child. Randy was that man.

I have been thinking lately about being of service - what can I do as an individual to help others? I often discuss this topic with my clients and urge them to find something that they can do to help others - no matter how small, do something.

Some months ago I started doing simple things to change how I live my daily life. I make it a point to hold the door open for the person behind me when I enter the bank or a store. Sounds silly to even mention it. Doesn't everyone hold the door for the person behind them? You'd be surprised at the reaction I get when I not only hold the door for the next person (and sometimes wait for them to walk up to get the door) and then smile at them. The most amazing thing happens when I do this. The person smiles back at me and says thank you. But something else happens. A warm feeling passes through me and I feel like I have made a small connection with another human being. I have respected that person - acknowledged them in such a small way. I often wonder what that person is thinking - if they are - and will they do the same for the next person when they walk through the door? Does it matter? Well, it matters to me - I believe that we can change the world one step at a time - one small step at a time. And one of the things lacking in the world today is a connection to others and a respect for each person as a human being.

I didn't have the privilege of knowing Officer Randy Simmons but in his passing he reached out to me - I saw a man who was never too busy or too selfish to help another person - especially a child. Randy Simmons talked his talk and walked the walk. He has touched me - and I will remember how he chose to live his life. He was a real hero, not a celebrity with a PR hero campaign created in Hollywood. I only wish I could live my life with such a clear purpose and help others along the way. So I challenge each of you reading these words - what small thing can you do to help others? You will make a difference if you reach out.

You will be missed, Randy Simmons, even by those of us who didn't know you.

Dr. Martin Luther King's Dream...What's Yours?

As we celebrate a day of tribute and honor to the slain civil rights leader, I remember what it was like growing up before his work began. I grew up in the South - in Northern Virginia in the suburbs just outside of Washington, D.C. - our nation's capitol. I remember the two separate everythings - the water fountains marked white only - the movie theatre balconies for "colored only" - the signs on restaurants restricting entrance or directing "colored" people to the back or side door. I remember driving through streets right next to the White House and the Capitol where people lived in the most abject poverty in the shadow of the most powerful leaders in our nation and the world. I saw families sitting on the curb with all their belongings around them - evicted from the only home they had ever known with no place to go. It pained me then as a young girl, as it pains me now to see how low human beings would go in their ignorance and lack of caring for other human beings, simply based on the color of their skin. Dr. King's dream has many facets. But the part that speaks to me is the part that said, he dreamed of a day when his children are no longer judged by the color of their skin, but rather by the content of their character.

"...Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends.

And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today!..."

Martin Luther King was only 26 years old when he lead the boycott of segregated Montgomery, Alabama buses gaining national recognition. And he was only 35 when he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for Peace - the youngest person to be awarded this prize.

But I believe Dr. King's most important work came towards the end of his life. When arrested in Birmingham, he wrote his famous "Letter from a Birmingham Jail" where he laid out the groundwork for what would continue to be his life's work until the day he was shot down on the balcony of his motel room.

"...Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly..." -- Dr. Martin Luther King jr, "Letter from Birmingham Jail", April 1963

Today we live in a different time. Some of what Dr. King fought so hard to achieve has come to fruition. But there is so much more work to be done - in so many areas of the world we live in. I take time today to reflect on my own life. How am I giving back to my community, my family, my friends, and to the greater world? What small things can I do to make this a better place in which to live? How can I be of service? I start with simple things, like holding the door open for someone who is walking behind me at the bank or the store. I speak to workers I come in contact with even if it's just to ask how their day is going. I try to smile at someone I don't know each day. After all, if I am not part of the solution, then I am part of the problem. If everyone does one small thing each day, who knows what would happen? I'd like to find out. Won't you join me on this day when we honor a pioneer and leader - lost too soon - to think of something you can do to make our world a better place? By each of us doing our part, we give Dr. King the highest honor - the honor of taking his words to heart and continuing his work and his dream.

When Life Gives You Lemons...

So what do you do when you are presented challenges in your life? How do you approach them when you are in that exact moment of realizing that you have been presented with a challenge? Where does your mind go first? acceptance, denial, fear? and what about your body? what are the physical things you feel as your mind absorbs what is going on?

Some of us meet the situation head on without thinking - we just go into attack mode or action mode. Some of us step back to assess the situation thoroughly in order to make calculated decisions about what to do. And some of us remain in denial, even in the most dire of challenges because it's all too much for us to handle. Some of us reach for substances to help us - drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, food, sex, shopping, or whatever. How do you handle extreme situations? A health challenge for you or a family member, an accident, a loss of job, a death of a loved one or a pet or any other thing that might be a challenge.

Who and what do you depend on to get you through such times? Is it your Higher Power or G-d? Is it your spouse or partner? A best friend? A family member?

And what about a twist on this question? What do you do when a friend is faced with a difficult challenge? What do you do as a friend? Where do you set boundaries in helping another person? And what about situations where the friend doesn't realize how extreme their situation is and no matter what you say or suggest they stay stuck in their situation not willing to ask or take help offered. They remain in denial. What then? Do you just sit by and watch your friend self-destruct? It's a tough place to be.

Welcome to My World!

Welcome to my first blog post! I hope to periodically post things to make you think, perhaps inspire you and help you move forward, both in your creative life and in your personal life. I will often use my own life experiences and those of my coaching clients (anonymously, of course!) as examples to help those of you who are reading my blog. So get ready to ride!

The past few weeks have produced interesting life experiences for me. On the up side, I traveled to NYC to stage manage an awesome show at the legendary Birdland jazz club www.birdlandjazz.com showcasing the original music of the incomparable Ron Abel www.ronabel.com and several of his Broadway friends. For the first time in my professional career, my cousins came to see the show and see what I do! Next I traveled to Phoenix, for my first ever art retreat - Art Unraveled www.artunraveled.com where I knew no one and had no visual art experience.

On the down side, my mother had an accident in her home. She woke up in the middle of the night and either tripped or fell and was injured with a few fractures to her face that resulted in a black eye and a very sore arm. Thank G-d it wasn't worse! Then her significant other, George, was hospitalized with pneumonia for several days. The husband of a client and friend of mine, was diagnosed with cancer and has to have an operation to remove a large cyst in his neck and then have chemo. My first mentor, Merv Griffin, passed away at 82 of cancer. And, just today, I learned of the passing of the mom of my dear friend, Ron Abel - composer and musician extraordinaire. Quite a list for one week!

I write of these things not to wallow in doom and gloom, but rather to speak of how they can be the catalyst to my own gratitude and to move me forward in my own life. Life is short...shorter than we think as witnessed by the above list. When we are young, we feel invincible and that the future will always be around just waiting for us. But as we grow older, we realize that time is of the essence and life is very precious. No amount of wealth, status or celebrity can buy us more time.

I believe that we can create the life we want. It starts with knowing what you want your life to be and begin to visualize it. Break it down into components: Health, career, significant other, money, personal environment, family & friends, fun & recreation, and spiritual growth. Where are you with each of these areas of your life? Sit down and actually rate each one on a scale of 0 - 10. Nothing is written in stone. Everything can change by action taken by you. In designing your life, I encourage my clients to create tools to help determine what they want and how to get there. Write a daily gratitude list. Try journaling about a subject by asking yourself a question or just write "stream of consciousness" and see what comes out on your paper. Create a vision board by cutting words and pictures out of magazines to make your design and your dream tangible. Ask yourself questions, like what did you dream of when you were a little girl or boy? Have you accomplished those things as an adult? Why or why not? Do you still dream those dreams? What's stopping you from attaining them? What's in your life that's contributing to stagnation or procrastination? Is it clutter, your weight, addictions such as smoking, drinking, drugging, gambling, or shopping, etc.? Are you willing to get help for these? When? What are the "rocks you're carrying in your imaginary backpack" that are weighing you down and keeping you from following your dream? Are there small things in your life (the things you've been meaning to take care of) that you are tolerating? What would happen if you started taking care of this list? Who do you know that could help you with your dream/life design? How can you use "six degrees of separation" to move forward towards your dream? What's one small step you could take TODAY to do things differently and start on your new life path? Are you stuck in fear? What would it take to let it go and do these things anyway?

What will it take for you to do something you have always wanted to do without letting others steal your dreams? Remember this is YOUR life. No one else has the exact same gifts you have and no one else has the exact same dream as you. So you must be proactive in creating it for yourself. Don't wait another minute. Do it now!

Challenges both big and small are presented to us almost every day. What we choose to do with these life challenges is the difference between moving forward in our lives and reaching our dreams and sitting stagnant and wishing. Most dreams take time to achieve. We need to break them down into "baby steps" so that they are not so overwhelming and feel impossible to reach. The people who succeed in reaching their goals and living their dreams are the people who start with just one small step. Will you be one of those people? It's entirely up to you. Someone much wiser than me once said, "If you can dream it, you can attain it." I believe that for myself and I believe it for you. I send you off on this first ride with many blessings...Reva

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